It’s Saturday evening and I have way too much revision to be doing to be creating a blog right now but God works and guides in mysterious ways so here I am. I had never intended to start a blog any time soon. At all. But one thing led to another and it just so happens to be the first day of the new year.. maybe not a bad time to start after all.
A series of events…
Summer 2021.
I’d been juggling with the thought of creating a blog, journalling, documenting my journey. I had two very close sisters who had blogs and I remember I used to admire them so much for it. They used to try and push me to start one up too but the thought of me creating my own? Pouring myself out? Writing my thoughts and reflections and making them.. real? I could never.
Stories of Humans.
A page that documents the stories of ordinary humans. I had been thinking about submitting a story on this page for a while but I just couldn’t think what I could possibly have to share that would be worth putting on the internet for the world to read. The thought of opening up and putting myself out there.. personal, raw, authentic.. Not for me.
Or so I thought.
Seemingly out of nowhere I had a thought. A memory. Something I realised I reflected upon so often in times I needed a reset. And in that moment, I knew. This was it. I had a story I wanted to share.
Someone who had written a story on that page before had said that it had helped them discover their love for writing. Maybe I could too. Maybe I will.
Honour yourself.
Something I came to realise only very recently. I had spent the day working through all my tasks and trying to learn all my notes, but by the time the sun had set and the evening had crept in, my to-do list didn’t seem any shorter. Those days where it feels like you’ve worked so hard for so long but progress seems non-existent.
I really should have stuck to my routine. I should have kept in line with my long term plan to complete my revision. But instead, the world opened up to me and I discovered something truly invaluable on that day.
Instead of forcing myself to continue learning and memorising, as I usually would have done, I decided to give myself a break. Yes, I had work I really needed to get done, but if my heart wasn’t fully in it, would it really even be that productive?
So I strayed.
I donated that evening to myself. I listened to my podcasts, read my books, had stimulating and meaningful conversations, thought about all the things I had parked at the back of my mind. And you know what.. I felt on top of the world. All the things I normally pause when it comes to exam season I realised were the things that make me me. They are the things that make me feel excited and enriched and alive. And every year, I go into recluse shutting this whole side of me off, losing touch with a part of me. When in reality, I discovered I need to feel alive in order to be able to give my learning and revision its full right.
The present.
And here I am now. In another one of those moments where I chose myself over the world. I somehow ended up on my close sister’s blog page. I was again in awe of her mind and her reflections. But this time it didn’t seem unattainable. I wanted to have a go too. I want to discover my love for writing. I want to honour my interests and my passions and my thoughts. I want to give myself my due right. So here I am. And how it just so happens to coincide with the first day of the year.
